my side of the story

i can never understand what is it with guys and soccer.

But what I know is that I love Arshavin and that is all that matters.

It hurts just as much but like the malay saying goes, 'berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul'.

What happened 9 years ago still lingers in my mind every now and then. Every show I watched, places that I ever been to once a long time ago, some shows that I watch that has got to do with it will definitely get me to tears. The prayers recited, the name mentioned. I just couldn't help it but to reminisce the past.

Falisha is growing up real fast and looking more cheerful each and every single day. Getting much more naughtier even. She is just as the best as my other nephews but she's special.

I don't want you to go but you had to. You're mine for the rest of next week..

Your smile is like the sun to me
So bright it’s weakening
But so sweet

We'll get a house at the west side just so that I am close to you..

Okay.

I don't know what to post about but heck, just post cause I got Auntie Jia Lin and Auntie Rachel who reads my blog. Auntie Rachel is a fan of mine. Hahahaha! That was what she said. But I've never come across their blogs. Eh! share lei(:

I love Audrei Arshavin(:

I love another person whose name starts with the letter A also which is Ariff Ab Bakar.

I got my two 'S'es which I can count on. HAHA

Ermm.. Ariff is staring at what I am typing. He's dreaming. The babe in yellow is serving a customer, giving her some fries. So guess where I am? :D

Dawn Of The Dead is AWESOME! Can get tips on how to kill zombies for Left For Dead(: I don't mind watching it again and you guys should watch it too. And as always, Ariff spoils it by scaring me in between scenes and he's correcting my english right now.

k bye!

I tried posting this up once at Mac but I think there's something's wrong with the connection that caused it not to be updated so ya.

Ariff is gross and I think he secretly wants to kill me. Really.

I didn't know what to post the day before as well so I shall share something that I learned from reading Jodi Picoult's 'Nineteen Minutes.

"Nobody wants to admit to this, but bad things will keep on happening. Maybe that's because it's all a chain, and a long time ago some did the first bad thing, and that led to someone else to do another bad thing, and so on. You know, like that game where you whisper something into someone's ear, and that person whispers it to someone else, and it all comes out wrong in the end.

But then again, maybe bad things happen because it's the only way we can keep remembering what good is supposed to look like" - Jodi Picoult (atleast I think it's from her)

I learn a few things from reading this book by her and I'm not even a quarter through. Quite confusing at first but all of it connects in the end. Just finished reading Silent Boy by Torey Hayden which almost made me cry in the end but I didn't cause I was in the train. Heh. One of the book in which I recommends as well. I want to get it over and done with this one so that I can start off with For One More Day by Mitch Albom.

And I would like to say that I'm sick of books. Not reading but books on its own. This is what happens when you work in a bookstore. 7 in the morning till 4 in the afternoon just now and 7 am in the morning again the next day. I will most definitely be damn shagged but what to do. If you want something, you need to earn it the hard way.

Oh and I would like to walk in the rain again while Forever Lost is being played..

On the other hand, ....

That was the end of my post.

I would like to apologise about my previous post. It was out of anger so ya. Though I know words can't be taken back once it's said but I would like to apologise anyways.

I actually miss the place which I once called 'home'. The times when all of us would stay back together for spring cleaning and then rewarding ourselves with steamboat right outside store. The times spent sitting by the railing talking crap. The regulars who are now friends. The screaming of drinks. The dancings and random singings on floor. I miss those days very much. The people, the ambience, the experience. It was a wonderful 2 years and 7 months, and it was definitely a memorable journey. I may be away but I have to admit, it's still my passion. just like how Thienry Henry is devoted to Arsenal(:

I'm still wondering how things will be 26 days from now. When you're serving the country and while I am (Insya'Allah) studying and working at the same time. That wouldn't be the problem. The things that I worry of are whether he will be able to cope with things, will he be fine, with he be muscular when he gets out. K not the last part but ya. I worry for his well-being. I know he will be fine but ya. Girlfriend instinct says that he will be fine so I guess he will be. Well, atleast I hope. Damn the losing of 5kg in 2 weeks. Gym after work sounds good to me but where and with who?

I miss Fiq. I wonder if she misses me too. I know, random much.

I miss Fitri too. I wonder if she misses me.

I miss Syaf. I wonder if she misses me. Remember during the fasting month when I went to woodlands with you? Then we were wondering of how to break fast in the train since we got no drink nor food? Then we said 'korek hidung' at the same time? And I told you not to sit at the corner seat cause you might have to give up your seat so we sat at the second one instead? Hahaha. I miss those days..

Off to read a book now.

I love you baby

First thing first, I would like to apologise to Mon for not attending shift. I am really sorry. I didn't know that the schedules would clash. I really didn't mean to not come today. I tried to find replacement. I really did try but to no avail. I really am sorry..

Next to Huda because she had to do opening alone because of my absence and to Azryl because Huda was dying and he had to clock in earlier and only got to go for his break an hour before he clocked out. Don't worry guys. It won't be happening anymore. You guys don't have to be pissed with me anymore. Not. Anymore. My sincere apologies..

And now, I would like to say that Macdonald's can close all the stores that they opened up at the West side. Well, atleast the Jurong area. Not the service, not the food but just their power point. They should really do something about it. It is really disappointing to know that you've travelled so far to end up being pissed.  I wanted to be a typical Singaporean at first but the disappointment died down a little when I finally got it. Just a little. Ariff is still pissed. Damn you West (Jurong) Macs.

And you, stop being a bitch towards me. If you really have a problem, talk to me straight. Can't stand me being there?  Then you don't have to worry about that anymore. So much for me thinking that I am the paranoid one. So much for me thinking that everything will be okay. jfbedhabvyfbhdjscfe - finger spasms cause I am pissed.

Siapa makan cili, dia yang terasa pedas. Simply said.

testing

Am talking to Fiq about marraige and am wondering about me, myself..

I blogged the day before yesterday but livejournal just wouldn't want to update my post. It's either that or Mozilla Firefox was being an ass. I think its the second one. I need a new laptop. Can I use school as the reason again? Heh.

I have something blocking my train of thoughts and this really sucks. It like playing loco roco and you need to push down the rocks and stuff ah ya. Like that ah. Only that I don't know what the rocks ah. All I know is that I am the loco roco. And yes, I want to be orange and cute so just let me.

There must be something wrong with me. 
I get so tired, I can't sleep. 
The voices in my head are haunting my dreams. 
No matter how I try, 
To kill the thoughts inside, 
I cannot, I cannot, hide. 

Baby's got itches all over his body. K not all over. Some parts so ya. Accompanying him get an mc tomorrow. Screwed up a bit. Not going to do it again. I think it's time to do what even my primary school teachers told me to do. Zip. It. Shall do and will do. Since I'm going to accompany him, I need to sleep like righttttt....

NOW!

I got so many things to talk about but when I got to the 'post an entry' page, I always forgot what I had wanted to say. Damn it.

I want to learn to play a specific song from coldplay. Did I tell you guys that they are awesome and that I regret not saving up money to watch them live? Ah yes, I regret it oh-so much. If only I could use the monopoly money. That would be so much easier. Don't you think so? Just buy the board game and use up all the money? Okay I am talking nonsense which I don't know what myself. Please excuse me for I have work for 12 hours today. SUPERWOMAN!

Oh and those who are reading this and wants to work in Borders, now is a good chance cost they are hiring for the Christmas period so I shall see you! Anything just contact me(:

One and a half night of fun, fun and more fun, 500 days of summer, wild wild wet, a scratch on the knee and sweet sweet memories(: I will take the ride with you one day. I promise k?

                                                                                     -----yawn-----

And once again, the day is safe, thanks to the powerpuff girls!
Jeng jeng jeng-jeng-jeng jeeeeeng jeng. Jeng jeng jeng-jeng-jeng-jeng jeng. (theme song tune)

I'm sleepy so ya. Bye. And I just cracked my ankle and it feels so gooood~

p.s: these were not the ones that I wanted to talk about. When I remember them, I will type it out.

Now as I am typing this out, the people at the other side are having fun without me. Boooo~ but it's okay. There's always tomorrow. And it's better a day then to have no days at all so I thank you, still, my brother. Maybe I shall bring uno stacko tomorrow. Siapa yang kalah, dia yang kena! Woohoo!

Come to think of it, I don't want saturdays to come. I'm only left with 7 saturdays to spend with Ariff till he leave to become some matrip. Bahhh~ some people may deny that they are mats or minahs but deep down they are one. I may not look like one but I know that I talk like one sometimes. And if you make me really angry, you will unleash the minah in me so please don't make me angry. But that is not the point. The point is the 7 saturdays that I am left with. MA GAWD! Okay. Time to plan. Think think think...

Its almost 1 in the morning and I plan to wake up at 6 later today. Baik ah. I shall sleep so that time will pass by real fast so that I can continue where I left off just now. OUT!

Sometimes I wonder what did I do wrong to be given the cold shoulders.

Baby is snoring beside me. Like someone who did security last night. Hahaha. I don't know whether to wake him up or not cause he'll be working later at 6pm. Maybe later. I wonder what he is dreaming of. Or maybe he is not dreaming at all. Hmm..

Decision is final. I will tell him about it. Maybe it is a good idea after all the things that have been happening. I will miss it, no doubt about that. I love it here but I guess that it is about time to move on. 2 years and 7 months is really long for me. This is so far the longest and I can safely say that it is the best that I've ever experienced and I definitely have no regrets in knowing each and every single one here. It hurts sometimes thinking about it but I need to do what is right for now..

Sometimes things happen at the point of time when you least expected it. When you don't want it to happen. When it is the last thing that you'd imagine on your mind. But things do happen. And usually not the way you want it to be. But things just happen. Accept the fact that it did happened and move on. What I am talking about? I have no idea myself. This is a totally random post. Let's talk about something else shall we?

Train rides for me nowadays are like car rides. You know the times when some people would feel sleepy during car rides, with the air-con and all? Ah yes, that is what is happening to me currently. Train rides can really make me feel sleepy some times. Even when I am standing eh! Amazing! I would usually read a book but it will just make things worst. Hah! Don't even get me started with bus rides. I will feel nausea by the time I reach the area which I am supposed to alight at. Heh!

And so he got his bass..... Let's not talk about that

Okay suddenly I feel sleepy. Da bye

I still don't know whether to be happy or not but what I know for sure is that i feel like SHIT!

Have been working like, really working. Yes it is tiring for now but everything will be paid off. In cash! That is the best part of it. I feel that having 2 jobs doesn't label someone as a workaholic. It just means that they are hardworking and they are doing it for extra income or for whatever financial responsibilities they have. Might as well start now and get use to it then later when I step in the real working life. Apart from that, baby will be going in ns REAL FREAKING SOON so I desperately need something to keep myself busy.

When he's in, school will be a priority. If I don't get in, I will try again and again to make sure I really get in. It's important for me as I don't want to make SB or Borders as a career. Hell no. I'm not going to be like some fuckface thinking about sales everytime and making everyone else's life a living hell. I want to get a proper job. A 'career'. Definitely has to be something I like. But sometimes you tend to not get what you want and this is where endurance comes in place. Ahhh~ okay.

OH! This is the part where I go dance around naked (literally) because...

The long-planned movie marathon finally happened. Got ourselves a whole lot of junk food and screamed our lungs out to shocking parts of the movies. Well, at least me and Fiq did. The boys just laughed their ass off. You guys should really stop laughing while watching horror movies. Spoiler. Really. Agreed? Syafiq's mum was nice enough to fry us some nuggets and drumlets and to cook for us spaghetti. And to let me bring home some of the jelly and to give me a box of cadbury's milk chocolate. Paisey eh! But really, she was nice. And for me to still get raya money eventhough I wasn't in my traditional clothes, thats whoa. Hahaha

I should really be asleep by now but I'm not sleepy yet. Wanted to try and play the guitar again but the mood just .... Ya like I said. Just... I should really restart to learn on how to play the guitar all over again. Me needz new talent! I'm getting bored of myself.

Sometimes when I'm in a rush to get to somewhere and I had to go through a crowd of people, I can't help but to imagine myself on the road and that I am a car (an expensive, posh looking car that is). Overtaking people, squeezing my way through the whole crowd, corporate sliding everyone who comes/blocks my way. I think I will always get fined for speeding cause I am late most of the time. Yes, confession, late most of the time so yes, people can use that against me but whatever. That is not the main point. The point is about me feeling like as if I am on the road and that I am a car.

I feel fucked up right now. For no reason. Like have you ever felt useless and that you don't know what to do anymore and just feel fucked? Ah I'm feeling that way right now. Fucked. And I have no reason as to why I am feeling this way so don't bother asking me cause I will tell you that I don't know why. Nothing's wrong is happening. It's just me. Fucked.

"Life is like a running track. There are hurdles along the way. It's up to you, whether to jump over it and get it over and done with, or to let it stop you from moving on." - someone whom I forgot who.

This is the part where I'll go 'wants people to update but you yourself didn't update. hur!'

The past few days have been a fun one with spending some quality time with the sagets and mostly doing nothing but rot with the people you love and talk crap. I consider that as productive especially when you put me and fiq together (you know i know). We are the best duos that even ariff and syafiq can't beat. yeah! we rock don't we fiq?(:

I thought of what the boys talked about that night and I wonder how I will be when Ariff go away to serve the country. I think I will hug the bolster each night and cry myself to sleep? I think for the first 2 weeks I'll do that ah but not for the whole entire time he's off in Tekong. I won't cry like someone died but I will cry like I miss Ariff. Or maybe I cry like someone just died when I miss Ariff? K no. I just gots to stay strongz. If others can do it, so can I! Fiq is just lucky that she won't have to face it. Bebeh, 2nd to the 7th is just 6 days (i think) though I know that it will feel like a decade for you but kau imagine later aku camne? GAHHHHHH~

The heartfelt conversation yesterday was really something. Whatever I said about you is not to make you feel proud of yourself. And I did not say it just because I love you. It is how I see you as a person and those are the reasons that got me falling for you. That is why I am not afraid to say that I love you for who you are and not who you are trying to be. Never question how can people love you. Never wonder why people love you. For each time you do, I will always remind you of the reasons why I love you/ And I am sure, the things that I love, others love it too.

I love you very much baby. And you would still have to mop the floor in the future. Make sure you mop under the sofa and carpets (if any) eh! But no matter what, I'll still love you. We are together now so we handle things together.

I love you Ariff..

And so I thought everything was going fine. Him not knowing anything, not suspecting everything. I thought to myself, maybe I can pull off this 'suprise' thingy. Just to wait for a few hours and execute my plans. Until we had a serious conversation about money and I just had to feel bad and give up. And so I told baby about the plans and he said "I'm not angry la baby. Why would I? You're getting something for me." nice going yana -.- I cried eh. Tsk..

Went for breakfast at East Coast's Macdonald's. Then got baby his wanted-all-these-while Sennheiser PX200. I don't mind about the plan not working. To see him being happy upon receiving it is just the thing I wanted(: Watched Paper Heart after that, just because Michael Cera is in. Hee!(: Then went to work to realise that I am not supposed to work. Baik pe? Then I'm lazy to type alot anymore so just to summarise the rest of the day..

- baby got a book from borders.
- went to Peninsula for bass hunting. eyed on one sexy red one already(:
- Fadher proposed to Nisa already! :DDD planning to get married in 2 years time. I AM SO HAPPY FOR THE BOTH OF YOU!(((:
- Had LJS for dinner
- Watched 'Dara' for a late night movie
- Fell sick. Gahhhhh~

One whole day of being with the one you love is definitely not a waste, even if I spend a whole lot on the day. I love you very much baby. Insya'Allah a year down the road, we will reminisce about this very day and smile on how much fun we had(:

On the other hand, I miss the people in OF):

Because you were there when I needed you.
Because you give me death glares as a joke.
Because you held my hand in front of your friends.
Because you get angry when I go to work even though I'm sick.
Because you gave me a chance to love you.

That is the reason why you deserve it loves.

And so, I just learnt that the real pronunciation of the word 'mannequin' is actually man-a-queen and for the word 'penis' is actually pee-knees and for the word 'baguette' is actually baa-goo-at. Amazing how I learn something new everyday, right baby? I still love you no matter how bad your pronunciations are and no matter how many time you say 'at there/at where'(:

Just now was nice. Did shopping with Fiq at Ion. Woots! Best pah?! One more round pah?! K no. Not anytime soon. 'Bankrupt' jugak aku nanti. Hahaha! Like understand (macam paham) gitu kan? *wink2* working at Tanglin later on at 6.15am and am still not asleep. I think I want to go to work late on purpose and ask them to let me off early. Hahaha! K no. But really, I need to go off early ah so that part is still happening. Ahah!

I wonder how Rizal knows that I have another job now. Maybe someone said it aloud by accident and he heard it? Or maybe. Even maybe! He reads my blog. Oh. My. God! Eh Rizal, you reading my blog ah? Why sebok? Hahaha. If you are then yes ah. I got another job. Not that I hate working there ah but I'm getting too little shifts ah. If you give me more shifts then I would't mind putting more availability ah. You know what I want to school next year. Then I must save some more. Cannot ah work for twice a week only. Can mati sey. If I have a kid, susu pon tak lepas. Dont say susu ah. Want to go work for the whole month also not enough. So understandings la eh. Thank you and sorry for any inconvenienced caused. Hee!(:

Apart from that, I am glad that I fell in love with Ariff Ab Bakar cause he doesn't mind me being me(:
I'm glad that I have Fiq who will always be there for me.
And Syafiq who is like Fiq as well, and is always there for me to smack his forehead.
And borders to fill my wallet.
And not-sombong colleagues at work (best!).

And I don't mind being 6th in your list(: but still, idiot. Put me above bass and music but it's okay. I still love you the same way baby(: idiot..

Okay. Without realising it, it's already 2 in the morning. Actually kinda miss staying up in the wee hours. If I didn't have to work tomorrow, I'll definitely stay up till late and may be accompany baby watch soccer, though I know he won't be talking to me but concentrate on the soccer instead but yeah. But I just had to agree to the swap of shift and work at 11 in the morning. Damn it. Then working at 6.15am the next day? Fml. I miss The Sagets' saturday getaway ):

Shop till we drop tomorrow kay Fiqos? Weee! Hahaha! *hush hush*

Tomorrow will be the last day. And after that, everything and everywhere screams FREEDOM! More time to spend with itch ahler. Yayy! Though I have to work but I know you will be waiting for me. Eh wait. You BETTER ah wait for me. Else, sudah ah! Hahaha. He will be free from his cage, being able to roam around like a wild animal. Whoa kay. That is deep. Hahaha! but yes, he will be free. Many more moments and memories to come love(: I promise no bad news on Friday k sayang?

' places that you've never been, places that you're gonna be ' - Open Eyes; The Early November

Ariff is annoying. He iz ma idiot (e-dee-ert). Mine eh! So takmu sebok. Hur! K nights peep-pole. I love you baby bachen-tak-scrub-ketiak(:

With this coming pay, I have planned some things that I want to do with it. Only with hopes that I get to execute it and that I won't have anymore debts to think of. Well atleast not untill next month. I have been eye-ing on a lot of things while window shopping with the boy and my lovelies but I always have this thought when I got the money. I will have second thoughts about the item and I will go like 'do i really want it or need it?', 'is it really nice?', 'worth it ke tak eh?'. I know. Pantat.

Oh! After eating at Burger King, we went corporate sliding to many different movie theatre just to watch Inglorious Bastards IN WHICH we didn't watch. I felt that we burned the burger that we ate through the speedy corporate slides that we did from Shaw Towers to Cineleisure (only to know that the tickets are sold out like whoaaa) then coprate slided to the mrt station then to Plaza Singapura. We gotz legz musclez from all the slidings baik punya. Hahaha. And boy, you need to learn to corporate slide properly. Keep on praticing k loves? :P
So after all that corporate slidings, we settled for Phobia 2. First 2 parts wasn't that scary untill the backpackers. I was like WTF! I swear if Fiq were to watch it, she'll be screaming loudly just like how I think I did? Hahaha. Baby was having fun watching me feeling afraid than watching the movie itself. Idiot. Best ah? Haha. And I don't want to or shall spoil the ending for you guys. You guys have to watch it. I love the last part, in the end. But still, Phobia 1 is loved, compared to the second one..

I shall sleeps now. Works tomorrow. You should sleeps too. Even if you're reading this at 11am or whatever timing that you're reading this. Okay I'm sleepy so I talk nonsense. Heh.

Bebeh, I pray that things will work out for you guys. I really hope that things will turn out fine. Stop doing what you're doing (you know i know) cause it will hurt the next day. Trust me. Been there, done that so yeah. Stay strong loves. Whatever it is, you know I'll be here to lend you a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, give you a tissue paper to wipe your nose, and yana shut up alrdy.

I am sleepy. And baby, I love you and thank you for EVERYthing. EVERYTHING(:

Ever since working at Borders, I have been getting headaches and my back have been cracking, like really. Each time I have to search for a book for a customer, I'd have to bend down and when I stand up, my back crack. Yes, very good. Very healthy. And yes, very old. 

It seems like everyone wants to join Borders now. Best pe? The more the merrier but then again. The more people means lesser shift. I hope Kay isn't like you-know-who and doesn't gives shifts based on favoritism or anything along those lines. So yeah. SYAFIQ! CHUCK! FASTER CAN?! :D And syaf, I hope you get in too. Would love to work with you again(: miss you and take care of yourself k? If not, I'll hunt for Mon :D


And to Ariff Ab Bakar, not funny eh I sing the wrong lyrics. Hmph!
Looking forward to it. It shall be an advanced one and I still owe you a belated one(:

p.s: I would love to blog more but I don't know what to blog about so ya. Bye